Thursday, September 29, 2011

Cortisol abundance

when life gets busy, not even a K-drama could help to release the cortisol (hormone stress)...i need to do the workout..that's the best helps me a lot during times like this...but then..too many things to attend to (imagine...eveyday is filled with Jamuan..continuition from the Eid Open House! - alhamdulillah..murah rezeki)...gish..i don't even have time to do it..damn..i miss my routine so much...i miss the smelly sweat and the feeling of pushing myself to complete the tiring routines even though it is very hard...

piles of work are still manageable..but life is so disorganised if I can't do the workout.. *sigh* good to me...*jebal*

Sunday, July 24, 2011

cruel to be kind

I am about to break someone's heart..feeling guilty in the process...

being cruel in order to be kind...for the good sake of everyone...

Monday, June 20, 2011

K-World Fetish Part 2


Kim Hyun Joong

9 years ago, it was the dramas that diverted the whole world’s attention to Korea’s entertainment industry...then came Rain and Boa, followed by idol groups like TVXQ and SS501...and today, the K-POP waves have spread all over the world with their energetic dances, catchy and captivating music, adorable fashion style, amusing variety shows and entertaining entertainment, the global phenomenon of Super Junior, B2ST, 2PM, 2AM, Girl’s Generation, KARA, U KISS, MBLAQ, CN BLUE, FT Island, 2NE1, 4 minute (and the list goes on..too many to list down) seems to be unbeatable...

And because of this huge and wide phenomenon of the Hallyu Waves, my addiction towards K-POP world continues one after another...generally, I love most of the songs by the Koreans artistes, be it Ballads, Rock or just pop...for me, those songs are just favourable, easy for the ears even though the lyrics that I can understand are only of a few common words such as “ Sarang”, “Gaseum” “Appa” “Ara” etc..

Jejaka Idaman? hehe

I love SS501, but after their last album in 2009, the members are doing separate projects individually, so, I thought that my addiction will stop there and then...nah, how wrong I was for then, CN Blue debuted with I’m a Loner...hence, I’m hooked with the web of K-POP again and again..


K-POP world is so huge...and here I would love to divide them into several categories (macam nak bagi awards plak..kekeke)...these are all based on my favouritism...(sorry to those who disagree *wink*)

--- > It’s CN Blue for their unique talents and taste in music...I love most of their songs...they composed, wrote and produced their own songs! Even the “Banmal” song was composed by Yong Hwa with Seo Hyun in their WGM cool is that? And honestly, the song is just so nice...=)..their music alone is able to grab hold of my attention without the need to do extra like dancing in their performance...It’s just so cool to watch them playing their instrument confidently and with ease...

The talented boys of CN Blue

--- > haha... this one goes without saying...they are Kim Hyun Joong (SS501) and Kim Heechul (Suju) seems that I like the descendant of “Kim” quite a for Hyun Joong, it is his 4D unique personality – unpredictable, mysterious, blunt, witty and intelligence...the image of him with the combination of humorous and mysterious elements appeals to my taste in ‘namja’..haha...and for Heechul, he is quick and super funny! And of course, I won’t deny another important factor of liking these two is their physical appearance...Both are just so beautiful =) *Wink* cantik mengalahkan orang perempuan..adoyai..

--- > SS501! Well, the reason why I like these 5 boys so much is because they are just so funny together...the Tom & Jerry fight between Park Jung Min & Baby Hyung Jun brings laughter to the atmosphere while the nice Kyu Jong could be mischievous at times...the Prince, Young Saeng is the by nature the quiet one but still able to create loveable moments and with his members, Hyun Joong is his real self...You can’t never see his 100% unique 4D personality at other shows except when he is surrounded by the people that he is comfortable with...and among them are his members in SS501! =)

--- >there are too many to list down every one of it but the ones that keep on playing over and over again on my Vivaz Pro are:

--- > CN Blue – I’m a Loner, Intuition & L.O.V.E GIRL
--- > G.NA – Black & White and I’ll back off so You can Live
--- > SS501 – Love Ya
--- > Beast – Shock
--- > FT Island – Love Love Love
--- > Kim Hyun Joong – Thank You

Basically, my taste is more prominent towards the energetic songs that could pump up my body to dance along the music as listed exception for Hyun Joong’s Thank You...this song just reminds me of the variety show We Got Married that he did with Hwang Bo...I am one of the JoongBo Believers...I think they will be great together although it was awkward in the beginning...

• FAVE MVs – Really love G.NA’s “Black & White”...the chemistry between both G.Na and Jin Woon (2AM) is so sweet...I also love the mischievous things that the girls of 4 Minute do to Jung Shin (CN Blue) in the MV “Heart to Heart”...and another one that I enjoy is Suju’s “Full of Happiness” especially the part for free hugs...hahaha...just imagine if that really happens, wow, I guess the fans would all go crazy!

The sweet chemistry between G.NA & Jin Woon in Black & White

• FAVE OSTs – No. 1’s choice is of course all the AN Jell’s songs from “You’re Beautiful”! the quadruplets are so amazing! This will be followed by Howl “Have I Told” from the drama Playful Kiss

• FAVE DANCES – for this one, Nuruddin won’t like it but I love 2PM’s ‘tukki’ (Rabbit)+shuffle dance in “I’ll Be back” MV (hehe)...the Bad Boy image in SS501 “Love Ya” is also my favourite along with Girl’s Generation famous leg line dance in “OH”

• FAVE VOICES – Yong Hwa’s (CN Blue) husky voice really turns me on! *wink* he is definitely a singer who really can sing! Plus, FT Island’s main vocalist, Lee Honggi...actually, Honggi’s voice is really unique and can’t just be found reminds me of my best mate, Baya’s favourite group Radja *terkenang zaman muda-mudi*...and don’t forget the powerful voices from 4 Minute & 2NE1...these 2 idol girl groups are different than the others because they focus on their voice and music rather than just dancing!

• FAVE VARIETY SHOWS – it’s OH MY SCHOOL! Love every episode of this show but the most well-liked one is the Christmas Special with Heechul in it! The Chocoball Group members are just so hilarious...=)...I also like We Got Married (Ssanghu Couple & Goguma Couple), 2 days 1 Night (oh, Lee Seunggi is really cute in it) and SS501 Idol World (old show)...

• FAVE DRAMAS – the all time favourite is “All About Eve” with Jang Dong Gun and Chea Rim as the lead cast...the rest are “Playful Kiss”, “You’re Beautiful” , “My Girl” and “Sungkyunkwan Scandal”...mostly, the main attraction is the storyline, and another factor is of course the gorgeous heroines and charming heroes! (Hehe..I guess, it’s human’s nature and also human’s fault to always like to see the beauty of everything including “saram”)

See? There are too many things to talk about K-POP world...Do you believe me if I say that I watch almost everything in KBS World including their Documentary (e.g. VJ on the Scene & Screening Humanity) just because I love almost everything about it! I just don’t watch the news – why? Because there is no subtitles and I don’t understand it...but, I believe that if I could speak Hangul, surely I’ll watch that as well....haha...


Well...don’t misjudge me thinking that I am not patriotic towards my own beloved Malaysia! It is just that in the world of entertainment, their products are triple times better than us! I think that Malaysians artistes need to learn more from the Koreans...they are more humble, not that arrogant like some of our local artiste or Diva-like attitude of Bollywood & Hollywood actors...they work really hard to produce good TV shows and good performances... The effort that they put on makes us feel closer to their celebrity...whereas in Malaysia, we feel the distant feeling as if we can’t never reach out to them...

The truth - K-POP world is not only about human, it’s like a product, a business - that’s why their products are more likeable and selling like hot cakes in the market! And for their good quality product, they give us tremendous satisfaction and addiction! That’s why they are able to spread like a giant wave sweeping through Asia and other continents of the world...

Malaysians – learn something from them

--- The End... ---

K-World fetish


If we read an entertainment magazines recently, there are a lot of K-POP news and articles being it the local Malay entertainment mags such as HAI, Utopia, or the English ones like Galaxie and of course a magazine that feeds the addiction of the K-POP’s lovers in Malaysia, the ‘Epop’ magazine. I also read this kind of magazine just to satisfy my obsession towards K-POP artistes even though the language used is horrible and funny! I bet all the BM teachers will cry their heart out and faint if they read this mags (Hahaha)...erm, the point that I’m trying to write here is that how I can bear with the bad use of Malay Language written in the mags with its’ funny and awkward phrases and LOTS of spelling errors...I, the person who is very particular with language use, grammar and structures can BEAR all those eye sores just because of the contents presented in it are more appealing to me than those errors...imagine, that is the level of my fetish towards the K-POP world...unbelievable and unstoppable; those are the only words that can describe the phenomenon of K-POP wave that had affected me, my housemate and some of my students (ngee..I have company!)...the Hallyu wave is just like a plague in today’s Asia entertainment industry and it certainly is like a virus that is very difficult to cure in me..

winter sonata - the drama that started it all..

It all started with the first and foremost K-Drama in 2002 entitled “Winter Sonata”, produced by KBS. Bae Yong Jun (as Kang Jung Sang) and Choi Ji Woo (as Yoo Jin), were the main leads...they were so gorgeous that it dropped my jaw (literally) watching them acting the lovely scenes in the, their acting skill was so convincing that it felt real to the audience...I cried so many times throughout the drama...and the bonus is the OST of it are so touching...I was only 18 at that time...and I remembered me roaming the shops at Kota Raya and Petaling Street just to buy the VCD box set and the soundtrack... and it was so costly at that time, priced at RM 99.90 per box set and another RM 19.90 for the soundtrack...half of my monthly allowance was gone just like that...

all about eve - the all time favourite

MY Girl - the one I used to be hooked in front of my lappy

dalja & taebong - the one that rekindled everything...

After “Winter Sonata”, there were a few other interesting dramas that hooked me up in front of the idiot box almost everyday...”All About Eve” (this is my all time favourite!), “Hotelier”, “Autumn In My Heart” “Stairway to Heaven” etc...then, the addiction stopped for a while after I went abroad until “My Girl”, “Full House” and “My Lovely Samsoon” came continued for a year but after I started my career in SBPISB, I was too busy with my new world that I lost the passion for a while...even during the fever of “Boys Over Flower” that took over the whole Asia in 2009, I wasn’t really aware about it...until my colleagues Kak Mas & Kak Norah suggested that I watch “Dalja’s Spring” in the middle of 2010 followed by “Sungkyunkwan Scandal” and “Fugitive; Plan B” with hunky Rain and in it...these two dramas were aired in October 2010. Even though I don’t really like the action-spy story like the Fugitive; Plan B, but I figured out that K-Dramas have evolved a lot in their storylines...It has become more international, more does not really focus on love anymore... Lots of new elements have been induced such as humour and sophistication...however...there is no more portrayal of innocent and pure love... some of them are even more bold with obscene and elaborate kissing scenes...

definitely, the historical fave =)

All in all, the K-Dramas are still enjoyable to watch...I still cry and I still feel the feeling of being stab right through my heart when it comes to sad scenes...and I believe that the addiction will continue so long as they produce good dramas...

--- To be continued --

Saturday, May 14, 2011

gasumi apa mamolla 2011

I am tired (driving for 4 hours has become so tiring nowadays – guess that I’m getting old already..huhu)..I am eyes are puffy...seriously, signs of dark circles are already appearing little by little around my eyes...gosh, I am works..these words have become my chants these days...there are too many things that need my attention yet it seems that I can’t finish them after another...those works keep on compiling on my desk and I don’t have extra hours to work on them... I wish there is more than 24 hours in a day...after all the hard work of preparing the examination papers plus arranging the schedules for invigilation with so many amendments to deal with (with SBT & Volleyball tournament in between), now come the marking part...honestly, I love marking essays especially when it comes to reading students’ ideas...some are really awesome, some are just hilarious and there are some that are just ridiculous...all in all, it is fun!

However, nowadays, I am in no mood to mark any of it since I am too tired and also, I am worried about certain unfinished works on my desk...regardless, I still take a day off on Monday (16th May – Happy Teachers’ Day to all teachers out there! It is our day! Yuhuu..) just because I want to have REVENGE! A revenge for not being able to sleep properly since last few weeks, a revenge for not being able to be online and keeping in touch with the world for quite some time and a revenge for not being able to fully satisfy my addiction in K-dramas! It seems that I can’t fulfil my personal interest due to the demanding duty as a teacher...opps...did I ever mention that Aspuri is in really chaotic situation with the girls are being stubborn & taking advantages of our leniency given to them recently? It is because we (me & my housemate) are too tired to even monitor their some ways, yeah, I have neglected my duty as a warden...please...I am yearning for my personal life that is not related to school, books and students! Give me a break! And after so many months, this is the first time that I could go back home...and for that, I am grateful...

The only personal thing that I can do all this while is my nightly routine – jogging! This is the only time that I can fully indulge myself doing my personal thing...running around the school with my Vivaz Pro blasting energetic music from Beast, CN Blue, G-na, SS501 etc. keeps me being sane for a while...even if it means only an hour a day for my personal time...that’s the only thing that keeps me going, energizing my spirit while I can’t indulge myself in other things that I like...Sometimes, I feel like I am not appreciating myself enough...I don’t love myself enough...because I keep on putting other things as my priority rather than having fun for and students have always come as my no.1 priority, I am putting them on the top of my must-care list that I often neglect my family...I stay in the hostel weeks after weeks if other wardens need to go away for their personal business that I sacrifice my time with my family...I didn’t go back to see my mom and grandma for is all because of my dearest students *sigh*... there are times when I can’t even sleep soundly at nights because the students are practicing things, thus making so much noise that I would wake up abruptly from my deep slumber dream...this situation too, leads to severe headache in the morning and causing fatigue during the day...yet, I still find the situation bearable...I am coping with it...however, when students are not being appreciative and “mengambil kesempatan”, now my patience is being tested at its’ highest limit...I am like a time-bomb, waiting to explode anytime is within a matter of time before I really drop the bomb. For now, I am still waiting...unlike the Aspura when the wardens already dropped their temper...for Aspuri...BEWARE!!...You have been warned!!

Oh yeah...this stressful state of affairs has become worse since I lost my passion and enjoyable moments interacting with the students in class...this has become a plague for me this year (2011)...honestly, I haven’t found the lost passion yet since the beginning of the year and I am struggling with it now...I need to find those fire burning desire that used to flame inside of me whenever I think of the seems that the blazing fire has cooled off to be the charcoal...what’s wrong with me? I guess, it is because 2010 was the greatest, happiest and easiest year for me that now, when a harsh stone is being thrown up at me; I am stuck against the wall...2011 is surely a challenging life for me as an educator...everything doesn’t go according to my plan...every time I go inside a class, it feels like I am conducting an experiment, I am anticipating the uncertainty of how the result of the experiment will turn out...and sad to say, up until this moment, most of my experiments failed...the only mode of teaching that works really well is MAFIA games... and time is running out...I need to find the best solution ASAP if I want to work my magic again for 2011 SPM result...indeed, 2011 needs to be better than 2010! Ganbate Huda-san! Fighting!

Ok...enough with all the grumbles, whining and complaints...

It’s time to work out your magic again...

But before that...calm your mind, smile brightly, enjoy your off days...focus on your goals:
---> KOREA 2012 Trip! *big grin...big grin...big grin* (Cik Yam, can't wait to travel with u just like the old times again!)

---> the GG’s leg line dance...hahaha...NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!

Huda Unnie – You shouldn’t complaint much, shouldn’t frown too much...if not, your wrinkles will show, your dark circles will be visible like Panda’s eyes, the zits will appear like boils and you are going to be OLD before time....27 will look like 33! OMG, if that happens...then it is D.I.S.A.S.T.E.R! Save yourself!... noel saranghae...=)

As a part of my plan for revamping my look, rejuvenating my spirit and reviving my passion...I am going for 2AM’s showcase! A self-reward for the stressful works!, I am SMILING widely... Gosh.. I am truly addicted to K-POP! seriously severely crazy...haha

Written by Huda,
@ 10.30pm (13/05/2011)
A loyal Boice and Triple S
(in the mood of CN Blue’s - Intuition)

happy teachers' day in advance to all teachers out there!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

mirror..mirror..hanging on the wall...

I have...

been having weird dreams it due to lack of rest (yeah...been so tired, never have proper rest since last school break)...

been feeling something strong 2011 going to make my dreams come true?

got to know something just now...confirming my anticipating news...

sharing the news with my collegue...and feeling happy for no solid reason...

reminiscing old memories...remembering an old flame...springing up hope...

gosh...bilakah penantian ini bakal berakhir??

Monday, March 28, 2011


though the condition is not really well with cracked buildings here and there, feeling as if I am risking my life everytime I come here..You still give me the joyous feelings even though the location is far away from my favourite city in the world, the glorious Kuala Lumpur and even more far away from the lovely hometown of Penang, my presence here is still cherished by many.. although You lack of many things, You also Give many things.. You show me... You give me.. the friends that add genuine joy in life are super fun & understanding in terms of collaboration, team work and also in sharing feelings..(gossipping? opps...haha..) and for that, I am glad.. (dedicated to all teachers in Intesaber) the students who sometimes give the pride and happiness..who always made my days in many events are inspiring and encouraging..supplying me withe the endless energy to keep on running towards the end line..and for that, I am so thankful.. (dedicated to all people who think of Intesaberians as their home & family) there are also students who hate me so much that they refuse to even smile or galnce at my directions...I know that they are hurt whenever I am being harsh with them...and for that, I am sorry for there are times that I couldn't even control my emotions..these people too, teach me things that I never experience before.. there are people who teach me that working hard is part and parcel of the midst of hardship, we should strive to make things work the way we want...never compromise to the harsh world that could make us feel bad (dedicated to Pai and all Pekerja Pembersihan that really work hard to esnure that Intesaber will always look beautiful..) and the people who always give us tasty, great and delicious food..awesome is the only word that could describe it..loving each dish since my first day here.. (dedicated to all pekerja DM yang best) and to those who are related to Intesaber..believe me, You are blessed! =)

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

the overwhelming happiness

SPM result for the year 2010 is already out yesterday...

Seeing the familiar figures of the ex-form 5 students who were wandering around the school compound with the look of eagerness, excitement & nervous written all over their faces, I felt the feeling of overflowing happiness and contentment...for some reasons, I also felt is odd, but that's the truth..(maybe my feelings are clouded by my own affection towards the 2010 batch, especially the 5 Hidayah peeps! =)

When I was in the class teaching grammar to 5 Maghfirah students, I was restless...30 minutes lesson seemed to be seemed to take longer than it used to be..I wanted everything to end so fast so that I could be in the DIK with those ex-students, to know their results...

The moment that I had been waiting for, came at last..I met Akhiar and Paan by chance at the canteen and we had a little chat about their life at the moment..and I could never forget Akhiar's story about being fired from his job as a tuition teacher AND arguing with the principal himself for about an hour defending yousrelf! haha..Akhiar, you sure do have the nerve and courage to put up with your rights!..bravo..err..!remind me never to mess with you..haha..*wink*

Joy - that's the first emotion that I felt after brwosing through the result of 5 Hidayah for English..out of 32 students, only 1 scored B+..the rest is great history ! 31 scored A-, A and A+! What a joyful day! and the good feeling continues as we (the English teachers) discovered this result:

A+ = 26 students
A = 66 students
A- = 31 students
B+ = 11 students
B = 3 students

and the ranking forEnglish subject? no. 14/ 58! The first time ever we chart into top 15! We break our leg! We were ranked 30/ 58 for SPM 2009 while in 2008, we were the LAST in SBP level!...Can you imagine my happiness? and, for the first time in the record track, we've got no C ! what a relief and what a double, triple joy! ..

I love this feeling! I even shouted and jumped happily, dancing myself around the Bilik Guru, looking at the result! People could notice that I was smiling so wide all day long till my jaw hurt because of this overwhelming happiness...even when I jogged with Kak Mas that night, I couldn't stop this overflowing feeling of joy, that I even can't stop running and jumping happily all the way...and the weather was nice, with gentle breeze as if the surrounding is also celebrating my feeling as well..*smiling..smiling..smiling*

Indeed..these feelings are the reason why I love being a teacher! As a teacher, a reward or presents are just a bonus, but the success of the students are the real Rewards of all..the best gift ever!

untuk anak-anak didik sayang, YOU MUST KNOW THAT a happiness to a teacher is not the Gifts you give us (even though we will feel happy receiving those persents)...a happiness is your success and your good attitude that you show us...

I, personally will feel just so happy and overwhelm when I receive a simple text message from you asking me things (even sometimes the things that you ask are just the petty matters, but I love it - honestly!) or even just to wish me Happy Teachers' Day or Happy Birthday! It is the act of not forgetting me as your teacher by keeping in touch that matters, not the presents that you give me (although Thank You Zalikha for the chocolate - my fave flavour! and to Syazana Afiqah as well for the yummy Kerepek Kapal Terbang! Thanks a LOT!)

Your happiness is OUR happiness..=)

this is indeed...THE BEST GIFT OF the year 2010!

Monday, January 17, 2011

the thrill of life

The trip to Phuket last November was memorable and fun even it was not the well-planned trip...Me and my friends (Kak Sally, Kak Norin & Yani) gambled everything since we did not pre-book the tours before landing ourselves at Phuket International Airport.

~~ Kai Island ~~

~~ We are in the famous Thailand's Tuk Tuk~~

It started badly since I caught a nasty cold, high fever and extreme sore throat on the 1st day. I couldn't enjoy the food very well, I was too caught up with fatigue and my head was about to explode...but I dragged myself along.. I was living on the mercy of extra dose of Panadol and Paracetamol..

~~ on the boat to Maya Bay ~~

But hey, something that started off badly didn't always end badly as well...For one, my eyes were blinded by the sight of so many beautiful and blinking gems at the largest gem factory ever in Asia! I couldn't resist the temptation of owning one of the rings displayed there..thus, I bought myself a lovely Black Sapphire Stars with Zirconian stones..the amazing thing is, it costs me only THB 1300! (equal to RM130)

~~ Karon View Point ~~

Cashew Nuts Factory

After splashing money at the gem factory, I was about to experience another event that makes a difference in my life! The Bungy Jumping! Ever since I was in NZ, I was always so excited at the thought of trying those adrenaline rush activities..I had done the jet boating, zorbing and the swing but never had the opportunity to jump from a high cliff (or in this case - crane) to experience one of the most thrilled (and dangerous) activities in the world! well..the adrenaline rush wasn't that good since I was shaking and trembling during the whole process of tying up my feet and risking my life on a piece of thick rope...whoa! what an experience...the funny thing is, I saw Yani did it first and I went for 2nd, and after watching it..I was tremendousky nervous that I even left a will (sort of) to Kak Salina, to tell my mom that if I died, she would have to claim some amount of money from my insurance company! much for a bungy jump!

selepas aktiviti ala-ala bunuh diri bungy!
that's the smile of satisfaction with our certificates to prove to the world that we actually did it! hehe..

I did it! Yeay!

different types of bungy jump that u can do here..

well...everything that is risky has always had the after did turns out that bungy jump is not really good for the body because of the impact that we experience while jumping and bouncing off the ropes...Yani had gum bleeding and something went wrong with her eyes capiliry and I had body ache all, it made my fever shot up high! All day long after the bungy, there was very little energy left for me to endure another half day activties...while shopping at Cashew Nut Factory, I had to sit down and wait for my friends...I couldn't enjoy the different flavours of cashew nut ( what a waste!), and I had bought only two packets of it..(duit dah habis + takde tenaga dah nak berjalan)

the 2nd day, we went to Phi Phi Island cruise tour (snorkelling, swimming & shopping!) for the whole day..Honestly, Malaysia's treasures of sea creatures and coral reef are so much more beautiful than Phuket..Redang Island is 100% better than Maya Bay/ Kai Island...even the water taste different! The Andaman Phuket's sea is triple saltier and more concerntrated than our Malacca Strait or South China Sea...I even got virus infection in my throat after coming back from Phuket..and I had to use crystal to cure the infection since it was really bad..I lost my voice completely for a week..and now I know how it felt to be a mute person..had to use body language all the time..hehe..

the 3rd day was even better - we went to James Bond was beautiful..the island was named James Bond because it had been the location of the 2 Bond the way, Maya Bay had also been a location for the movie entitled "The Beach" starring Leonardo De Caprio..we were the only Muslims on the boat among the tourists!..The good memory of this day was we met Uncle Boo and Irene, the old couple from Sweden..we even promoted Malaysia to them! they were so nice and they always wondered how could we wear full clothes while swimming and canoeing since most of them were wearing swimming suit/ bikini..well..that's the good thing of travelling, right? Dakwah secara tidak langsung...hehe...

The trip came to an end when we had to head our way to the airport to catch our flight back home..we arrived at LCCT at 11.45pm...and the journey was really memorable despite the early challenges..bye bye Phuket..

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

commitment freak?

takutnya bila fikir soal jodoh...

benar, itu yang terpahat dalam fikiran saat orang bertanyakan perihal teman hidup...mungkin sebab itulah istilah pernah bercinta atau ada pakwe tak pernah ada dalam diari kehidupan ini hatta walau ketika begitu gembira melayari kehidupan sebagai pelajar di rantauan...pernah jatuh cinta itu benar, ianya pernah terjadi dalam kehidupan...akan tetapi perasaan yang hadir ketika itu tidak pernah terluah pada empunya diri, lantas pendekatan mendiamkan diri sering diambil..bukan apa, kita ni bukanlah cantik meletup ala-ala pelakon sinetron Indonesia gitu (sedar diri nih..), jadi perasaan takut ditolak atau istilah kena 'reject' tue lebih menguasai dan tidak sanggup pula untuk menahan rasa malu kalau benar di'reject' oleh si empunya diri...maka, perasaan itu hanya diketahui oleh teman-teman rapat sahaja (Ummi, Baya, Aida, CikYam)..tidak terluah dan hanya mencintai dari jauh...

makanya, sampai saat ini pun tidak pernah sekali pun ada 'boyfriend'...memang ada yang ingin tolong jadi telangkai, memperkenalkan kepada calon-calon yang sesuai..tetapi saat perkara ini dinyatakan, perasaan takut sangat menguasai diri...kalau orang lain mungkin excited, tetapi diri ini lebih kepada takut & suspicious...alkisahnya sehingga kini masih sendiri & memegang title 'miss'

tapi diri ini tak kisah pun..sebab sangat yakin pada janji & ketentuan Allah SWT...andai ada jodohnya, maka pasti akan berjumpa dengan soul mate yang sehati sejiwa dan hidup bahagia selamanya..insyaallah...

cuma, ketika ini, saat ini, sewaktu ada yang ingin serius berkenalan, ntahlah..hati seperti tertutup...tiada sebarang perasaan excited atau gembira..malah, takut pula yang menguasai diri..makanya, (wondering nih..) am i a commitment freak? takutnya untuk melukai hati manusia lain dan takut juga dikatakan tidak bersyukur atas nikmat pemberian Tuhan...

-- dilema seorang anak gadis yang tersepit antara kehendak sendiri dan permintaan orang sekeliling...takut dikatakan terlalu memilih dan tidak tahu bersyukur..tetapi, suara hati ini berkata, salahkah jika kita memilih? *sigh*

Monday, January 3, 2011

when it will be my joyful day?

i am a mess...

i miss my holidays, form 5 students who already left the school and i am in great dilemma

i can't get myself, my mind and my heart straight & focus...

my heart is stubborn, arrogant and conceited...

i expect too much, i want the best yet i don't really deserve all that (even if i'm working hard to make myself deserve that)

i want great things, perfect life yet I am far from being perfect...

i am choosy, haughty and proud

i am indeed egoistics and ungrateful...

Fantasy is so cool that I refuse to wake up from the dream...

am i allowed to be forever in dream, and never come around to reality?

I just want something like JGS & PSH, or JT & XJ...can't I have it in reality?

the wise one

an ordinary teacher teaches.. a good teacher demonstrates.. a great teacher inspires..

the world is like a book...those who don't travel read only one page..
~~St. Augustine ~~