adios...

i am missing SBPISB right now...

and more so...missing the Form 5 2010 students who already finished their high school officially last Monday (5 syakirah) --- honestly, when all of u are gone, life moves on...but still, there will be something missing in my days...and honestly, I'm going to miss 5 Hidayah a lot! and I'll be missing the moments when I passed through all the form 5 classes on my way to Bilik Guru with deafening noise from them...plus, sometimes, the cheeky greetings from the lot like Azam, Asyiq, Afiq Tapa and the list goes on (few examples given - couldn't possibly list out the whole names..)..

it will be the same when I miss the 5 Rahmah 2009 peeps like Azem, Syafiq Affandi, Ummi, Ariff, Afham...(just to name a few) and also the 5 Syakirah 2008 (those pirates - they called themselves that) with Hakim, Syapeq Z, Nad, Atin, Jijol, Awan etc...

the truth, everytime when the Form 5 students were about to leave the school, I couldn't hold back the gloomy feelings whenever I see them...somehow, in some ways, I'm gonna miss them a lot because they are a part of my wonderful life...they made my days in every aspects possible - bad 'tudung' days, mad days, busy days, hungry days and LAUGHTER and HAPPY DAYS!!!

and this year, it's the 5 Hidayah that I will miss the most (not to be biased, but I've been with them for TWO Great years to be compared with other classes)...but I will also miss 5 Rahmah and 5 Maghfirah because they taught me many things even though my times spent with them were short...and I'll definitely miss 5 Taufiq and 5 Syakirah peeps as well based on their personal attributes...

one thing for sure, they are all great dudes and gals because they are SBPISB students and they are parts and pieces of my life..

and I wish them all the best in everything they do...please do take care.

adios, sayonara, goodbye, so long, farewell...til we meet again..

when I am not so occupied...

life as you see it...

when you've got too much times in your hands

and you've got to laze around

developing yourself as a couch potato

ah..you've been blessed

with blissful life..

yet, I am not the one

who is content

to just do nothing

when there should be something

that could be beneficial

out there

something that I could really treasure

indulging myself

devoting my talent

expanding my potential

spreading the goodness

to the universe

uhuks....boringnya cuti panjang..when I was too occupied with loads of things, I grumbled...when I've got tonnes of work, I complaint...yet, when I've got too much free time...I still complaint! am I being ungrateful?

honestly, two weeks of free, leisure time is enough for me...otherwise, I'll turn to be dumb...

as a result of my current state, I have finished watching Syungkyunkwan Scandal - my latest addiction on Korean drama and already rewinding the animax Prince of Tennis (of which, I have seen for countless times --> those Seigaku regulars *Ryoma-kun, Tezuka-kun, Fuji-kun, Momo-kun, Kaidoh-kun, Oishi-kun, Inui-kun, Eiji-kun, Takashi-kun*)

and the obvious one should be this - updating my blog at 2.15 in the morning while everyone else is sleeping soundly..fuh! what a life...

still...this is the life that I love and treasure so much...Thank You Allah...I will learn to appreciate things as they are..

*Peace*

are you truly Malaysians?

I wrote this entry long time ago (before 31 August 2010) and I only have today to post it..a litle bit late for the issue but I still want others to understand how important for us to feel good about our country, Malaysia

If you were born today, which country would provide you the very best opportunity to live a healthy, safe, reasonably prosperous and upwardly mobile life?

(Quoted from – Newsweek, August 23 & 30 2010 issue.)

Well...based on the question above, what is your choice? United Kingdom? USA? Japan? Malaysia? My choice...would always be Malaysiaku yang tercinta...no matter what happens, no matter how bad our situation is, Malaysia is always the best country for me to live in...Patriotic huh? Yup...can't deny the fact that I am truly Malaysian...hehe...

Actually, where do we rank in this International Rankings for the category “The BEST countries in the world”? (This survey was conducted by Newsweek Magazine)

We are no...37! Not bad eh?

I asked this question to my students – sadly enough, many of them don’t have high opinion of our beloved Malaysia...many guessed that among the 200++ countries in this world, we were ranked at 100++...now, I am wondering, aren’t they proud of this beautiful and harmonious country of Malaysia?

I am for sure, very proud and very happy to say out loud that I am MALAYSIAN! And I really LOVE this country...we are small (in sizes), yet we are unique...we have many cultures and races...we are considered rich in so many things! I am lucky to be Malaysian, because I get good pay as a graduate teacher (Alhamdulillah...very thankful for that), I can afford to pay for my own car, food, and some allowances for my mother...and some for sharing with others (belanja la adik beradik & kawan-kawan)

Malaysia – is the country that is so easy for the Muslims to live and practice their belief...Mosques and Musollas are everywhere even in a supermarket! Go to MidValley (my favourite), I can pray comfortably at Jusco Musolla...all in all, I’d say that we can shop and have fun altogether and yet, we can afford NOT TO NEGLECT our duties and responsibilities as a Muslim (in performing ‘solat’)...as for Halal food, even though nowadays, many issues of Halal food outlets are being discussed, we still have lots of choices as compared to other countries...as for me, now, I am being more careful and choosy..I opt for restaurants that have HALAL signature from Jakim/MAIS/MAIPP etc....and there are plenty of them that we can check in the directory...

As a Malay, I am lucky for I can eat all types of food particularly the Chinese and Indian food anytime I wish because these food are available everywhere 24/7. I don’t have to travel to China or India to eat Bukhara Briyani or the scrumptious dim sum... (the Halal one, of course)...
Hell...as for education, we have better freedom and better opportunities to change our social status as long as we really WORK HARD to achieve success!

comparing the living expenses, hell yeah...Malaysia is way cheaper than our neighbouring country, Singapore! even Phuket is also expensive..a town house costs you RM1400 in Phuket...well, in KL, if we pay that much, we'll get proper house/apartment with decent community..

I am indeed, LUCKY!!!!

And I believe that it is not only easy for the Muslims, but it is also easy for other races that are practising other religions as well...because our country never stops the citizens to practice their belief...

Truthfully, I am sad when many of my students seem to underestimate our beloved Malaysia...it seems that they are not proud to be Malaysians! How could they? And for me, they are not patriotic enough! How sad is the situation? They are proud of the UK, Japan, Korea etc.but not Malaysia...when they give me this type of response; there are only two questions that I could ask them:

1- Have you been to the other countries? (UK, Japan, Korea etc.)
2- What are the contributions of these countries to you and your family?

You know what? 99% of these students responded NO/NEVER to both questions! How pathetic! Never ever been there and yet you are proud of these countries, not your own homeland!!

You might wonder why do I bother about why we should love Malaysia and so on?

The answer is because I am freaking patriotic of my lovely Malaysia!

And I am talking about this issue because I hope that Malaysians should realize how lucky they are, to be a part of the small community of Malaysia!

I am not just giving you empty talk as everything that I have said here are based on my experience living abroad during my study and based on my observation while I was travelling to different continents of the world (and insyallah...I will keep on travelling to enable me to see this “Bumi Allah” and gather more beneficial knowledge that I could use and share with “anak-anak bangsa”)

Singapore maybe more advanced and systematic than us in many aspects, but do they have their own designed, national car? We have PROTON and PERODUA! And it is difficult to get Halal food and proper place to perform solat...as a Muslim; this is definitely NOT my place!

Well...LONG LIVE MALAYSIA...keranamu, kami bangsa berjaya...(hayati lirik lagu Keranamu Malaysia)

As to my students, well, they got free lectures from me because they don’t love Malaysia enough to salute our country and be proud of our achievement!...hehe...

random talking...

salam..

it has been so long since i was writing in this so called "digital diary" or as Sopi @ Saufiah, a friend of mine called as "Tinta Digital"...hehe...memories..memories..memories...

all the SBPs got a week off earlier than the other schools in Malaysia...the moment I am writing this entry, I am in my grandma's home in Penang, using my cousin's, Faiz, laptop browsing the net, sitting on the hard floors in front of the switched on TV (which nobody is watching the programme being aired, such a waste! - I am a green person!!), trying my best to construct grammatically correct sentences with good flares of language (not successfully done for the moment with so many distractions and disruptions)..my little cousins are running around the house, having the best times of their life while the slightly older cousins are playing football inside the house since it's still hot outside with the temperature that could cause you skin cancer (imagine that! - chaotic situation), and I am stuck here...with nothing is being achieved...I am ducking away from the ball that goes to the wrong direction (at me, obviously)..saving myself (and the laptop) from being hit by the car (the type of car that kids put their feet on the paddle and it moves like you are actually driving it - fuh!), and fighting the deafening noise to enable my brain to function properly..

and guess what? I could write nothinh beneficial so far since I am busy screaming and scolding them from time to time...(huh..sounds familiar? yeah...once a teacher, will always be a teacher everywhere...you develop a kind of bad habit which is scolding+screaming and in the end, you torture yourself by having sore throat)

fuh...it's only one and quarter paragraph...and it took me almost an hour to do it...at my normal pace, a paragraph will take me only about a few minutes to complete..but now..nothing has been achieved so far and the truth is..I actually already forgot about the original issues that I wanna write here...there were originally a few things that I want to write here (definitely not this cheesy and uninteresting rambling of the house's situation right now..)..

the conclusion - I can't concerntrate at all...I keep on deleting sentences that I wrote...I did too many spelling mistakes...I keep on pushing the wrong buttons on this lappy (why is it this Dell Latitude series computer that has the words "Hak Kerajaan Malaysia" on it, so difficult to handle and has sensitive keypad? - my uncle is definitely using the Malaysian Government proerty as his own - wll, I guess, most of are doing the same thing..)..everything is so troublesome...every single thing that I try to do goes wrong...

gosh...I really can't think, I can't focus, I can't write...

sorry for the long silence..and yet, all I do now is writing this nonsense...

but..before I really give up everything about writing for the day..I'd like to wish all the best to all the FORM 5 2010 students...please do your best in your upcoming SPM...take care and see you soon! I love you all...

LOVE..LoV3..LuRve..

Lord (ALLAH), make me an instrument of your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy

- Francis of Assisi -

MOM, DAD and ME! ~~happy family...lalala~~

~~ so true...could never forget a person who has done something bad to me..~~

(sekadar tidak melupai untuk dijadikan pengajaran tetapi sudah memaafkan kesalahannya)

Loving someone/something doesn't mean that you've got to have them, right? (^-^)

Love my students so much (even if I was stern with them - marah tanda sayang tuh..hehe)
Do they love me that much? haha (mode: sentiasa perasan)..

Greatest love is Allah...

it's for you girls - Aunty Aida, Ummi Yakuza, Baya-chan, Cek Yam Ramli

walking down the memory lane...

spring is blossoming! ~ Wellington Botanical Garden ~

salam...

As I was browsing through my home page, suddenly, my eyes caught on something ...it was a name of a my ‘big crush’ in Welly (long time ago) in my friend list in FB...I should say that the name was a stranger’s name because, honestly, I’ve never been really acquainted with him personally...but yeah, being an adolescent with turbulent hormones at that time, this one unique name did flicker something inside me...haha...but, upon seeing the name, my hand was itching to click on it...and yeah, I did click on it...I couldn’t resist the urge to know his whereabouts, what he’s doing now, has he come back home etc...one thing for sure, he hasn’t returned yet...

I clicked on the video that his friend tagged him with...and seeing his old personality, which is so comfortable with guitar playing reminded me of my good old days in Welly when we had the annual Malaysian Nights organised by WMSO...in the video, he was playing guitar (as usual) while his friend sang...it could be entertaining (seriously) but then, a realization was drawn upon me...it is:

I am no longer the 21/22 year old girl who loved music so much and fun things in a Party (in this case the PARTY means pot luck gatherings at Malaysians’ houses that we used to do A LOT back in Welly). I’m growing old now...apparently, age is catching up with me...I could no longer stand the noise music played by Hitz.fm/ Fly.fm /Hot.fm...nowadays, I still listen to music but I kinda switch my station from Hitz to Red.fm...from listening to the loud music by Linkin Park, Evanescence or Creed, now I listen to Maher Zain’s songs or Taylor Swift or listen to my all time favourite of old boy bands like Westlife...

this is what I mean by PARTY!! Eating Time!!!

Eid Mubarak celebration @ Malaysia HICOM

Gosh...I have changed, right? But I hope that my change is for good...(Insyaallah..)...I can always be the crazy, indifferent, happy-go-lucky, risk taker person I am and enjoy life to the max, but...I could never tolerate loud music anymore...and I realized that since I started my career as a teacher, I try to be the good role model to my students...and I will make sure that I will “tegur” them if they commit a mistake (is it ‘tegur’?? or more like scolding? Yelling? Gosh...I hope my students will understand my motives when I ‘tegur’ them because it seems that my tone sometimes were out of control...)

Vics' TESOL students cohort 1

And back to the vid, I could say that I could never enjoy something like that anymore...and I’m amazed that these people could still have fun with something like that...but then, I guess living abroad with no close relatives, you only have friends and other fellow Malaysians to rely on each other...Life could be tough (I know the feeling so well)...and having fun through that way brings you closer to each other and you feel like you have some sort of similarity that can relate you to home...that’s why they keep on doing the pot luck gatherings and break fasting together even though some of them are already my age or older, whilst the new comers to Welly are much younger than them...but one thing that I hope is, they will never forget Allah SWT wherever they are...God bless them...semoga sentiasa dirahmati, diberkati dan dilindungi Allah SWT...amin...

Note: I notice that he has grown wild beards...it changes his innocent, boyish look with long hair that used to be his image years ago...and indeed, he looks like a grown up man now (sesuai la dengan umur walaupun the traces of boyish look still apparent on his face *smile*)...I wish that despite his physical changes, his innocence, quiet and reserved personality will stay with him...that’s the things that I love most about him *wink*...

my beloved Victoria University of Wellington, NZ (Kelburn Campus)

~~the place where memories were created, experiences were gained, knowledge were acquired... the place that forever will be special in the heart of a girl who embraces her luck, finding true friends and struggling to achieve her dreams...the place that will always be cherished, remembered, well-appreciated by Huda Othman~~

London - Part 2

a unique signboard in Walthamstow

LONDON - PART 2

Finally, I managed to get some sleep...it wasn’t a good night sleep for I dreamt of unpleasant things on my 1st night here...hehehe...

At 5.45am...my alarm went off, causing me to stir from my sleep...(hebat ooo...pi kerja hari-hari pon takde bangun awal2 cam ni..hehe..) as usual...I still felt sleepy so, I snoozed my phone for a few times...after about half an hour later, somebody knocked on my door...it was pak Uteh waking me up so that I would not miss my Subuh prayer..it was true then, at 6.15am, the sky was already turning to grey with dimmed lights started to stretch on the horizon..

I quickly went to the bathroom, grrr...the cold water running down my face the moment I washed my sleepy face again reminded me of Everton Hall...gosh...I forgot how terrible this situation could be...taking ablution or a shower was the most miserable thing for me since my days in Welly...the cold water could be vindictive enough to my body...at these times, even the hot water couldn’t help much especially when the cold water & hot water tap are separated...why can’t they just combined those two into one? It makes life a hell lot easier and less depressed...

At 7a.m...I was ready...but my mind was not functioning well...the cold was killing...and the grumbling stomach was driving me nuts...I was like the starving giant; trapped in the North Pole...breakfast would not be ready until 8am...before I went down to the living room, I glimpsed through my room’s windows and saw the colonial buildings (the type of buildings that I admire) with brownish old bricks – the typical English-style house design..what a view! It took my breath away..Subhanallah...

Later on, so as not to waste time, Mak Uteh & Pak Uteh suggested that we explored the Walthamstow suburb for a while before it was time for breakfast...I couldn’t agree more..by the way (BTW), from Trinity House to the town was about 3 mins walking distance...

So, we started our journey that morning – walking slowly until we saw a lane covered with red bricks only for the use of pedestrians. ..on the left and right sides of the road, there are lots of buildings – shops, market, barbers, sundry shops, small bookstores, restaurants etc... well, walking down the cobblestone streets reminds me of Manners St. in Welly...feels like walking down the memory lane...imagine that a small suburb outskirt of London, could offer so much beauty for the eyes to feast...allahuakbar (God is the Almighty)...I really loved what I saw...

Well...as a tourist, we must act as tourist! ---> that’s my principle when it comes to travelling!

Based on the above principle, yes, we did act like tourists!! We took photos practically everywhere! You name it – the map, the bus station, the shops and even the signboard (this is a MUST – as a proof that we had been there! hehe)...we definitely had the time of our own, never ever bothered with those piercing eyes, staring at us as if we were clowns – those were the locals, apparently.

At 8am, we walked back to our B&B...my stomach again started new rhythm...this one, it resembled the sound of a train ~~choo choo train..lalala~~ I was totally, definitely starving!!! Walking back to the House, my teeth were shattering – the great combination of hunger and cold weather! (note: the temperature was about 4`C at that time with gentle breeze)...grrrr...

The moment I stepped into the House, the nice smell of lavender welcomed me and of course, the warmth radiated from the centralised heater also felt like an energy booster for me.. not wanting to wait no more, I dashed straight into the dining room and voila! – The bread was ready... *smile widely*

I ate 4 slices of bread – it tasted so wonderful...until that moment, I realized how much I miss the bread from Welly (we used to eat a budget bread called “Pam’s” back then)...honestly, the bread from these countries taste much better and tastier than Malaysia bread (not to be ungrateful but seriously...even Gardenia couldn’t compete)...It tastes softer, smells nicer and milkier! And the butter as well – so soft and delicious, even thinking about it right now drools my saliva...

Well...the stomach is full, the body is warm and whoa! – I’m all set for the day’s journey! =)

English-in-Camp SBP 2010

salam ramadhan..

last week starting from 6th-8th August 2010, I attended EIC SBP 2010..

KISAS - the host for the year...last 2 years, INTESABER was the host for the programme and it was a memorable event...why is that? it's because we are the different one!!! teachers and students slept in tent..most of the activities were done outdoor...however, the teacher broke into the hostels at nights, refusing to sleep inside the tent, under the shining stars..typical of English teachers eh? hehe...

however, this year programme is back to normal, we slept in the hostel..and most of the activities were done indoors...in the classroom..but the good thing was the facees are the ex-KISAS and other SBP students..so they know how this programme runs...and it is also good because the participants could get extrinsic motivation from them since most of them are currently studying overseas or doing their A-Level/ foundation /IB before flying...

group discussion

the EIC participants were all excited...they got to know new friends..and some even got new admirers..haha..typical teenagers, that's normal...=)

as for me...at first, I was totally reluctant to join the programme...why? I was busy with school activities and these had taken up my energy and I was deprived of sleep for days already...and true to form, I caught cold and running nose during my stay in KISAS!!! what a life...

however, Allah has always known what's good for His servant...once I got into the dorm, I met Kak Nurul (SERATAS) and combined with Kak Ennie (KUSESS), voila!! we created havocs and experienced fun things together...hehe..our trio was completely known and became apparent to others as we were the friendly, cheeky and laughable ones..(ewah..puji diri sendiri nih...hahaha)

the programme went on smoothly as planned...and it turned out to be hillarious when we got to know new friends that can click with us..one of the unforgettable experiences is when we went back 15 mins earlier from the "Discovery Trail" activity @ Taman Bandar Diraja Klang...since we were hungry, sweating, and my skin already felt like sizzzling hot meat, we decided not to wait for the participants to end their Pirates thingy...hence, we walked back to KISAS using the same route that we came earlier on...unfortunately, the stray dog chased after us!!! what a mess, you'd imagine...we screamed at the top of our heart and went frenzy! I just ran everywhere that my feet could take me, without even caring for a moment about the passing cars along the road...and all those cars had to stop suddenly because of US!!!! luckily, none of us got injured during that time...if not, I would definitely sue the Klang Municipal Council...hehe...for 26 years of my life, this is the first experience of mine, being chased by a stray dog! phewww...

discovery trail @ Taman Bandar Diraja Klang

in the afternoon, I slept for 3 hours! hahaha...cover balik semua penat berlari kena kejar dengan anjing tue...

at night, another exciting activity was visit to i-City, Shah Alam...it could be more interesting if only the boring public speaking were cut short and we would have extra time exploring the lights and take photos...but overall...it was something new to me..

visit to i-City

on Sunday..we departed back to school after Zuhur prayer...what a relief to finally go back to my comfort zone in SBPI Sabak Bernam..=)

and the best things of all that happened in EIC are:

1- students enjoyed the programme

2- Baihaqi was famous! Loud applause was given to him when he walked on stage to get the certificates!hehe..he was famous for his easy going nature and warm personality..good job, Bai =)

3- Ezlyni grabbed one of the three trophies for the Best Log Book award!

hehe..gembira sebab INTESABER is not the 'cikai' school...we made ourselves distinguished and outstanding among the pool of great schools there..=) Siapa kata kita tak boleh lawan KISAS, MCKK, SSP etc? hehehe...Yakin boleh!

Hail to the Girls...

Just a little something to share...something that I think is true and honest...

~~ which is our choice? the BEST or the ROTTEN ones? fikir-fikirkanlah...~~

"GIRLS ARE LIKE APPLES.

the best ones are at the top of the trees.

the boys don't want to reach for the good ones

because they're AFRAID of falling and

getting HURT. Instead, they just get the

Rotten apples that are on the ground

that aren't as good, but easy so the apples

at the top think there's something wrong

with them, when in reality, they're

AMAZING they just have to wait for the

right boy to come along, the one who's

brave enough to climb all the way to the top"

~~ find your true love in companionship of a man who will guide you through days and nights, honest and true...and thank Allah for the gift..for HE is the purest love of all.. ~~

melancholic...

salam....

erm..I was thinking to continue my writing about the trip to London but then, changed my mind...

suddenly, after reading that entry, it sounds arrogant, vain, too proud of the materials possession even though at first, the intention was totally different...I was thinking of penning down something that I like - travelling and the experience that come with it...however, maybe the way that I put it was vain...

I am feeling blues nowadays...always feeling that I lack of something in this life...then something hit me! It is not money, wealth, companionship etc...but it seems that I am lost...

Mungkin terasa betapa jauhnya diri ini daripada Allah...terasa terlalu lama sudah meminggirkan Dia...melupai-Nya dalam kesibukan dunia, lupa mensyukuri nikmat kurniaan-Nya...

Astaghfirullahalazim...apa nak jadi ni?

It's true indeed that I was super busy since the second semester of the school session started weeks ago...

I was busy catching up with the world...the painstaking tasks that never end (marking, camping, school activities and the last straw is the crucial and tiring preparation for the SBT)...


SBT - took up most of my time...I haven't slept properly for days... (finished the files-finally, last night at 4.30am and only got 2 hours sleep). It just feels like my student days where sleeping for a few hours at night was a normal thing...yet, it has some differences...among them are, as a student, I could take LONGGGG nap in the afternoon after class...but as a working woman, I couldn't do so...time is no longer a treasure that I own...my time is shared with others especially my lovely students where they take up most of my time - classes, extra classes, Oral and so on.. (but, it's ok...I love spending time with them)...

Indeed, this hectic lifestyle is fun (especially when you are in good company of great colleagues like the bunch of happening, energetic teachers of SBPISB – really grateful to have them in my life)...

But, these endless tasks are pushing me away from HIM...terlalu leka dengan keindahan dunia dan kesibukan yang tiada batasan, menjauhkan aku daripada-Nya...

However, come to think thoroughly and wisely again, those are not the reasons to blame for my lack of Iman and Ibadah (good deeds). I, myself is the only person to blame for everything that happens. Even if I was busy, I shouldn’t neglect my responsibility as a Muslim...Even if I have lack of sleep, I shouldn’t poison my soul...and even if I am ecstatic with life, I shouldn’t pollute myself with too much fun till my heart turns black... so, whatever the reason for these morose feelings to develop, it is ME who is to blame!

Wake up Huda...life is too short...the life in ‘akhirat’ is everything, more than anything else in this world...wake up Huda...find your soul...wake up Huda, discover yourself again...wake up Huda, Allah is the most generous, He will always forgive those who repent after making mistakes...it is never too late to change to be the better Muslimah! =)

A servant - still struggling to find herself in the eye of Islam


Check out this song from Maher Zain – ‘Always be there’ (the song that I am currently listening to..and very inspiring)






Allahuakbar (11x)

If u ask me about love
And want to know... about it
My answer would be... it’s everything about Allah
The purest love... to our soul...
The creator of u and me
The heaven in the whole universe
And the one that makes us whole and free
...the guardian of his True believers

chorus :
So...when the time gets hard
And there’s nowhere to turn
As he promises you...He will always be there
To bless us with his love and his mercy cause....
As he promises you...He will always be there
He’s always watching us, guiding us
And He knows what’s in our little hearts
So when you lose your ways, to Allah you should turn
As he promises you...He will always be there

To bring us out from the darkness
Into the light...subhanallah...

He would know everything
We should never feel afraid of anything
As long as we follow his guidance all the way
Through our short time we have in this life
Soon it's all will be over and will be
And this heaven we'd all be fine

So...when the time gets hard
And there’s nowhere to turn
As he promises you...he will always be there
To bless us with his love and his mercy cause....
As he promises you...He will always be there
He’s always watching us, guiding us
And he knows what’s in our little hearts
So when u lose your ways, to Allah you should turn
As he promises you...He will always be there

Allahuakbar (11x)

*repeat chorus

LONDON - part 1

**note - I have been trying to wrirte down about the trip for ages but couldn't find time to do so...here's the story of the journey...**

L.O.N.D.O.N. - a trip of a lifetime...

(9th March 2010 - 11th March 2010)

London time : 12.50am (10/03/2010)

Part 1

Finally!! I’m in LONDON!! Hello London! Wait till I explore every inch of the place!

I still can’t believe it – me, in London!!! Yup...that’s right...it is spelled L.O.N.D.O.N

One of the busiest cities in the world, and the famous one, too! =)

London – the city with its famous double-decker red buses, the red telephones booth, the guards with furs & red suit (wonder why it has always been red!), the black ancient taxis or simply the famous London Eye (yeah...it is similar to our very own Eye on Malaysia)...

All this while, it was only a dream for me to come here – well, actually, I’ve never thought that I’d be here...well, with our small currency (RM) as compared to Pound Sterling (£), and with my career as an ordinary teacher, I had never thought that I could be here – having vacation overseas, paying my own expenses with my hard-earned money.

It’s not that I’ve never been overseas before but the feeling now is quite different...before this, I studied in Wellington CBD, NZ on scholarship basis...and I made sure that I maximised the use of the money to travel around the country and also the neighbouring country, OZ...hehe...but as a student at that time, the money spent was budgeted tightly and somehow, I never really give it a thought...Once me and my coolest roommates of Flat 41 Everton had the hunch, we’d just pack and travel (backpacking style)...even sometimes, when the money was low - only few NZ dollars left...*smiling fondly over the memories*

But now, as a career woman, my mind works differently...every single cent earned is valuable, and I really have to be wise in controlling my finance so that I could shop lavishly and not become broke afterwards...hehe...and Thank You Allah for the ‘rezeki’ and opportunities to be here, to do something that I love apart from teaching – travelling! =)

~~~~ Now, I am all alone in my room (in the Trinity House B & B @ Blackhorse Road, Walthamstow, east London). The room is comfy. Mak Uteh & Pak Uteh are in another room downstairs (I’m on the top floor) while Pakcik Bad & Pakcik Asri are one floor below me...

It’s so quiet now for it is already past midnight...everybody is asleep and so does this small suburb...I can’t sleep even though my loyal watch shows 1 a.m. already...why? of course it is due to my imbalance hormones! I am over excited and the other reason is because I have slept for more than 8 hours in the flight from LCCT – Stansted Airport. Now, I am wide awake, feeling fresh!

My room has a closet attached to the wall, a TV (don’t think that it can be used – tried to switch it on just now but nothing happened), a make-up dresser and a heater! (it’s not that warm – I can still feel the chill)

It’s cold, it’s quiet and I AM HUNGRY! The last time I ate was in the airplane, 3 hours before landing time...gosh...*am imagining how tasty the Chicken Biryani was...yummy* The estimated temperature at the moment is 4`C...grrrr...*reminds me again of the good old days in Windy Welly*

Can’t wait to explore London & visit all its attractions in the morning!

Oh yeah...before that I have to print my booking room email from AirAsia 1st – the Indian lady (maybe the landlord) doesn’t accept my handwriting info that I gave her...hey! I think she doesn’t like us – the Asians because we made quite a noise when we first arrived (I am being prejudiced here)...she looked rather annoyed when we checked-in just now...or maybe it is because we were disturbing her sweet dreams when we rang the bell at 11.30pm!

Well...what to do? We had to! Our plane landed safely at 9.50pm @ Stansted Airport and it took hours to deal with the Custom & UK Border Agency, and being in this strange place for the first time, we took quite a long time to decide how to go to Walthamstow...

Hell yeah...Hello London! Here comes lunatic Huda to discover this place...

Indeed...Life is beautiful ~~

the view from my room early in the morning

the dilemma of a Malay girl..

"ish...hang ni gemuk la...debab!"

"hah...tembamnya budak ni.."
those are a few examples of typical sentences often associated with me...i have to admit, at times, these "cruel" sentences kill me - figuratively speaking...it kills me in term of self-confidence, personality & characteristics.

however, i am lucky for i don't succumb into the situation..instead, i retort because i don't believe that a woman is beautiful if she is a fashionita or a stylish, up-to-date person...(look at Victoria Beckham or Kate Moss- i don't see them as beautiful even though they spend millions of dollar for the sake of fashion)

instead, i believe a woman is beautiful when she is smart, intelligent, able to take care of herself...a women does not neccessarily need to be a soft, demure, gentle person to be beautiful...demure, gentle, soft - those are the traits that come in package (call it mutated genes)..because not everyone has that...some people say that we could train ourselves to achieve the desired results but hey..you are lying to yourself if you force yourself to be someone who is NOT YOU!

it is enough to be kind-hearted, honest & possess warm personality...it would attract people to us just like a magnet...having those characteristics are enough to me us become adorable...(for as far as i am concerned)...no need to change yourslef to be OTHER people if you are not happy about it...it will only bring you misery & suffer..

in today's world..it seems that being a beauty is essential in order to get married...as if beauty is the only element that people see in a person to ensure that particular person is the perfect one as your soul mate? hey..i thought marriage is more than that? marriage is a pure bond between a husband and wife where they walk this world together, sharing the life through thick and thin and stay true to themselves and be blessed by Allah..

so..is being beautiful is enough for us to hitch a husband? is that the purpose of finding a beauty to be our husband/wife? so that we will feel proud showing off our spouse to others?

so..those who are fat, chubby, less beautiful are unlucky? (hell yeah..is it true that these people are unlucky?) well..define the word unlucky first...

someone said to me:

"Huda..kawan ****** dulu tembam mcm Huda la...lepas tue, dia jadi kurus..la ni ramai orang berkenan kat dia.."

---> hello...it seems that those who are thin are more desirable than the fat ones? somebody has to enlighten me about this with hard facts if she/he ever gonna win the debate...

yeah..being a 26 year old woman with no string attached to anybody currently makes people ask FAQ ...

"kenapa takde calon lagi? Huda ni memilih sangat kot.."
---> great..now, i am accused of being choosy...but wait a minute...aren't we supposed to be choosy about our future spouse? i believe that we have to be compatible with each other in many aspects (sekufu) before we can consider to take serious steps in our relationship...i seek someone who can click with me..bear with my upside down emotions, share my humor, appreciate me for who i am (even though I am not that good looking),arguing the life in his witty & cunning ways... and able to tolerate my insanity at times...and i'll do the same for his sake...

in another situation...

"Huda..umur macam sekarang ni..kena pandai 'pancing' tau.."

---> gosh..now, finding my soul mate is being compared with my fishing skill..hell yeah..i am never good at fishing (literally speaking)..and i hate fishing..is it that simple? i still can't comprehend those who think like this..

ok..ok..i understand the use of metaphor "pancing" here..it means that you've got to have skills to woo a guy/girl...and sorry, i don't have the skills..as far as I am concerned, I am a conservative Malay girl who would never dare pick up the first line..

why is it that people care so much about when a girl will get married?
with whom she get married with?
why isn't she married even if she is already pass the age?

it is all fate...there are reasons for everything that happened in this world... God knows better..

so..stop asking the FAQs...stop bugging me with the same sentences for millions of times..stop saying that you actually care about me when the truth is that you are being busy body..

i am happy the way i am even if it means i am alone..

i believe that when the time comes...it will be...until then..shut up...

HELICUS - helium circus...

the CLOWN of the day - Hafizul Asyraf

salam...

i have been trying to talk about this special event, SBPISB sports day that had been held on the 25th April 2010...however, the Internet server (again) hinders me from doing this..actually, it is because to upload the pictures take a long time...it is testing my patient for many times *sigh*

every year, I have never missed any Sports Day event...and I LOVE so many things about it...from the strating of events (i.e. Sukantara, the planning of the themes for 'Hiasan Khemah'/'Kawad Kaki' etc..)..these things are meticulous, tiring, yet it is fun...we can see students will be anywhere from the 'Bengkel KH' to Music Room til the dorms...papers are everywhere, students are walking faster than usual (in order to meet the deadline) and the teachers...voila...we'll be running here and there managing other duties...

here in this event as well...we can see students' cerativity...sometimes, the end result will be something so unique and so unthinkable (well..at least for me..)...there will be circus (Helium), the aborigines village (xenon), egypt (kripton) and Hawaian beach (aloha Radon!)...it wow us, seeing these students working so hard to win! a healthy competition indeed..

this year, I was involved with 'Hiasan Khemah' since there was no more Cheerleading...I admit that I left the students to work on their own at first because I was not in school for many days (Volleyball MSSD was on at the same time)...I didn't see the beginning process...at last, a few days before the event started, then I did have time to have a look at what was going on in Helium...

and...watching each and everyone of them (especially the form 5) worked so hard touched my heart...without even a single teacher's supervision, they were totally independent...they never complained, they were being humble...alas, their work were marvellous..even though there were a few flaws and imperfection but to me, that was good enough... (e.g. the clown head was too big & couldn't stand because it was heavy)...it is OK to make mistakes because they are still in the process of learning to become great engineers & architects in the future (insyaallah..)... how could you expect the 17 years old students to build perfect miniatures with little budget and incomplete tools? but..Bravo and well-done to Ayin & Zuhairi for their good work...the Helium circus was great!

personally, I think that these kids are incredible...and I am proud with them...and proud to be a part of Helium members..

the end result for marching competition - Helium got no. 2.

in the middle of the process - everyone was tense, but there was somebody who was able to neutralize the situation by cracking spontaneous jokes (to Hafizuddin - thanks for the quirky act...sempat lagi mencapap di saat2 kritikal..hehe)

I like this situation - the committment & the cooperation among the Helium members are evident when they tried to put up the clown face..

special dedication to: Ahli-ahli rumah Helium yang telah bersusah payah menjalankan tanggungjawab & berusaha menghasilkan yang terbaik..

• (F5 - Afiqah, Amirah, Fatin, Aimi, Farah, Ainaa, Fadilah, Izzaty, Anim, Hazarina, Zuhairi, Ayin, Bob, Zulafifi, Azizudin, Izzat, Ikram, Fitri Aiman, Hafizul, Riyadh,Hanif, Nuruddin dll...maaf kalau teacher tak ingat semua...but I really appreciate your effort & your hard work...)

to the rest of Helium members - remember to always work hard and do your best...and success will be yours...even if you lost, it doesn't mean that it is the end of the world..it doesn't mean that you fail..and NEVER GIVE UP no matter what happens...itu semua hanya ujian utk kita semua..

and to all INTESABER students (the Xenons, Radons, Kriptons)..well done for the great job that you have done...because of all your hard work, the event was beautiful, memorable and Happening! =)

loving and enjoying every second of the moment...=)

life oh life...

errmmm...

what would you do if tongue slipping happens or people misinterpret your meaning?

yeah...i have to admit that reading people's thought and actually listening to their tone has great differences...

reading - we can make our own conclusion...people might misinterpret your intention...you might just want to joke on something but some people interpret it as something serious..or worse, our written thought or comments may hurt other people...

in this situation? what would you do?

alas...sometimes, it is the only way that we could express ourselves...

me, myself..for once...i love to say what i want to say...and writing it down gives so much satisfaction..and that's why this blog exists...

but i have to admit...i also have my own private convensional diary where the only person who has the access to its content is ME..(erm..do i sound selfish & arrogant?...erm...*thinking hard*) this one magical book has all my deepest, darkest or perhaps, dirtiest secrets ever...nay..I'm lying..(am I?)

as an individual with close realtionship with family, everything or anything that my uncles or aunties or cousins or even the slightest thing that granny says will leave quite a big impact to me...or maybe in some cases, it will leave a deep cut in my heart...and time will heal (this is the principle that i strongly believe)..yeah..as time flies, the cut will heal...but the scar is there...

every comments that families made about me is vital to me...it is important to my image, my persona and yes...it is important for me to appear *KIND* or *NICE* in front of my family...even though it means that I am PLASTIC...so that they would not think that I am a *B***** one...(yeah..how hypocrite I am..)

the truth...

I am SO SCARED that my actions or words will hurt any of my aunties or uncles or cousins...I will try to be nice...I try to be warm...because families to me is the must-have elements to be happy in life...and all my uncles and aunties are just like my mother and father...hurting them means that I am hurting my parents...but deep inside me..I AM AFRAID...so, I scrutinsed myself a lot (at times, it feels like I am torturing myself...) it is excruciatingly tired..

so what? just be nice and kind then...avoid hurting their feelings...(probably, that's what people would advise me)...hell yeah..talking is easy...I am for one, a person with bad mouth (Mulut laser - kata orang Melayu)...so..do you see what I mean? I will always hurt people with my comments (verbal or wtitten).. because for me, I would love to be honest..

but sometimes, my comment was meant to be a joke...
but people think of it in different direction..
hell yeah...life is tiring...

what would you do if this kind of thing happens?

*bila nak berubah? Bila nak jadi muslimah yg baik nih?*

the forgotten love

Today is Tuesday – 27th April 2010...

This morning...it was so calm, serene and cold...the moment I woke up, it started to rain...later on, when I was ready to get back to work, it was already raining cats and dogs...

The sound of the falling rain...the cold...and the smell of my Johnson’s Baby Wash...These combined elements...it brought back the memory of L.O.V.E...The one memory that I had fought so hard to forget... somehow, this forgotten memory reminisce itself into my brain...dragging me into the blues mood...as a result, I turned to be forlorn for the whole day...

It all happened when I just got back to Malaysia...fresh from the overseas experience; love is not something I was looking forward to... I was eager to meet my former friends more than anything else...but who was I to avoid the fate that was stored for me...coming back to the college means that we were the oldest (super duper hyper) seniors [yeah...minus the KPLI students of course]...

Prior to this, I had experience that the Malay guys are typical...they are always looking for beautiful, fair, slender girls...they expect the girls to be obedient, loyal, demure, the perfect “Wanita Melayu Terakhir”... in my eyes, these people expect a lot from a girl but they forget that they also have faults...they are not perfect either...egoistic, vanity and autocratic...that’s the typical Malay guys..

“Jangan diharap suami semulia Rasulullah jika diri tidak sehebat Khadijah, jangan diharap suami sekacak Yusuf jika kasih tidak setulus Zulaikha.......”
(Quoted from: Ustazah Mariah...yang hujung-hujung tu tak ingat la...hehe)

The above phrase is exactly what I am trying to explain....even though it applies to girls, but otherwise, the same goes to guys...

But OK...we are allowed to dream, right? But dreams alone are not enough...we need to change to be better if we really WANT the best spouse, right? I don’t know about others...but that’s what I believe...

And...for that reason, I had never been in a serious relationship with a guy and had never been in love as well...a crush is normal for me because this thing does not last long...the longest would be for a few months, but more often, it is only for a few weeks...but falling in LOVE is never my thing...I had never felt that...neither do I look forward to it...

How arrogant I was...

Volleyball court/ gym – the meeting place...

It was a must-do thing for me to go for volleyball practice every evening (to the point in which I’d rather not go to MV just to have fun in the court)...

For the first few days, I really had fun with my old friends...going to the court means having a good laugh...it is true – laughter is the best medicine...I let out my true colour...laughing hysterically because of a silly mistake was normal...soon after, the other juniors from other cohorts joined us...the small group expanded into a large happy family...

One fine day - I saw him on my way to the court...his prominent feature were his high-cheek bones and protruding eyes... I was stunned...he caught me off guard just by flashing his sheepish smile......then, days after days he started to join us at the court...even though he was more into badminton but I guess our laughter was so contagious that he couldn’t resist the temptation to be a part of us...

Every time he was around, my knees were trembling, hands were shaking...and there was a butterfly in my tummy...my heart beat faster as if I was going to get a heart attack... it was true then, I was attracted to him first because of physical appearance...but as time passed by, I got chances to know him better... the more I know about him, the more I became infatuated by him...by his humour (never thought that he could crack jokes), by his warm personality and of course, his eyes...

At that time, I could only wish that he would notice me for who I am...I wish that he would not be the typical Malay guy...but I also realised that I was never good enough for him...he was too perfect – it was almost impossible for me to reach out for him...thus, I could only admire him from far...For the first time, I was really in love...this is the love that I could never have the guts to show or express...

How crazy I was? Imagine it to the point where I would always stand by my room’s windows just to get a peek at him when he walked his way to the ‘musolla’...or I would deliberately went to the toilet (down in the dungeon) below the library just to catch a glimpse of him...or the favourite place was when I waited for my dinner at Scud cafe, I would cast anxious glance towards the entrance wishing that he would drop by...in some way, I had become a stalker!

Hell...yeah...all my BFFs knew that I was so smitten by him...except that they were so good in keeping their lips tight in order to preserve my pride from being called “Perigi mencari timba”...and for that, thank you SO MUCH...you guys are awesome!

Apparently, I guess he knew my feelings towards him although I never breathed a word about it...I believe that his instinct was good...

I knew no matter how smitten I was, I would never have the future with him...apart from the feeling of inadequacy, he was getting ready for his study abroad...he will leave the country for quite some time pursuing his future while I’d be ready for my teaching career (oh yeah..btw, he was 2 years junior my age)...and most importantly, he would never see me as “special” - the same way I saw him...

He left the country. The last time I saw him was at the KLIA. Sending him off was not easy but I knew that I had to do that or I’ll regret it for the whole life. The last photos that we took together at the airport showed other signs – from his smile, I knew that I will lose him forever. Yeah...my future will never be with him...it hurts so much, I wish I could turn back time and had the guts to tell him how much I adore him...how much I wanted to be ‘the one’ for him...but as a typical, conservative Malay girl I am, I would never have the courage to do so...

After his leaving, my heart was numb and cold– he had taken away the big chunk of it and I never get back the missing piece...of course, there are pressures from family who want to see me getting married but somehow, it is difficult for me to open up my heart to others...there were a few guys after him, and I tried to warm up my feelings, harbouring my emotions but...my heart was so stubborn, it refuses to re-grow the missing parts of it...it feels as if I was up against a wall. I am stuck.

I live in denial...even though I say repeatedly to myself that I am over him (it is already a few years), I will try to avoid reading anything related to him... Even now, I still have the goose bumps whenever I see him online (in FB) but I never have the nerve to pick up the first line...thus, I could only yearn for him in silent...oddly enough, watching his name appears on my screen makes me nervous and happy...at least, I know that he is very much alive and doing well...and I wish him all the happiness in the world...May he will always be under the love and protection of Allah...

Today...I am a happy woman with satisfying career and wonderful students to fill up the empty spaces left by him...with my busy schedule, I often forget that not long time ago, this one person crossed my path and left quite a big impact in my life...once, I was weak because of him...but now, I understand that he actually taught me to be patient in life...Love is not only about two people having the same feeling but the is diverse....

“Kadang-kadang kita mengeluh mengapa bumi ditimpa hujan...menagapa matahari enggan menampakkan diri...tetapi kita tidak tahu, rupa-rupanya Allah ingin beri kita keindahan Pelangi...”

I have found the new love of my life – my lovely students...and of course, my beloved family (^0^)

T.A.M.A.H.O.M.E. – he is the forgotten love

True fact – can you believe that one of my students has the same name exactly as his? It is not a common name but yeah...coincidences do happen in life...

penantian...

PENANTIAN SATU PENYEKSAAN

salam...

I have just finished talking with my BFF - Aunty Aida...

It has been quite a while since we had this long conversation over the phone and talking to her , transports me back to the days in windy Wellington...where we will talk about lots of things (mostly gossipping....hehe)

And I almost forget how understanding she is...I am lucky though to have crossed my path with her...being a part of her life (thank God, Uncle Ikmal is so understanding & wacky as well, we could have the same opinion...and...at times, we also fight for Aunty Aida’s attention...*big grin*)

And it is even more sweeter that until today, we are still the best friends ever..

(EVERTON HALL, flat 4 - the fantastic four of Flat 4... Ummi Yakuza, Baya-chan, Huda Hoods and Aunty Aida...haha...that's our nickname that describes our special friendship...hehe...syok sendiri)

well...

As some other people have done the same thing...she complained that I rarely update my blog...

*sigh*...the truth...it's not that I do not want to update it...but the piles of work that need my attention have really taken up most of my times...plus, the other painstaking tasks leave me breathless, exhausted me and pushing me beyond my limit...as a result, Iwould prefer to use the extra time that I have to recharge my energy by having a really good sleep..*smile*

And another reason why sometimes I feel fed up to update the blog is because of the internet connection...the Celcom broadband is way too slow...it puts my patience on the edge of breaking point...even now, when I’m trying to update my Kaspersky Anti-Virus, there is still very little progress with the indicator still shows ...updating 10% since 52 minutes ago - *fuh...heaving a heavy sigh*

Living in the end of Selangor territory (in an area called Sungai Lang, Sabak Bernam just next to the Malacca Straits)...there is no such thing called 3G...so, for the rest of the process...I’ll just leave it to your own imagination...

Benarlah kata pepatah – penantian satu penyeksaan...

note: even though I am far away from modern cities (2 hours drive from KL / Klang)...with no Secret Recipe, no Macdonalds, no bowling centre, no 3G access, no favourite San Francisco Coffee cafe and bla, bla,bla..(the list goes on..)

BUT...life in here in so peaceful, beautiful & wonderful...falling in love with the place everyday...