when it will be my joyful day?

i am a mess...

i miss my holidays, form 5 students who already left the school and i am in great dilemma

i can't get myself, my mind and my heart straight & focus...

my heart is stubborn, arrogant and conceited...

i expect too much, i want the best yet i don't really deserve all that (even if i'm working hard to make myself deserve that)

i want great things, perfect life yet I am far from being perfect...

i am choosy, haughty and proud

i am indeed egoistics and ungrateful...

Fantasy is so cool that I refuse to wake up from the dream...

am i allowed to be forever in dream, and never come around to reality?

I just want something like JGS & PSH, or JT & XJ...can't I have it in reality?