the dilemma of a Malay girl..

"ish...hang ni gemuk la...debab!"

"hah...tembamnya budak ni.."
those are a few examples of typical sentences often associated with me...i have to admit, at times, these "cruel" sentences kill me - figuratively speaking...it kills me in term of self-confidence, personality & characteristics.

however, i am lucky for i don't succumb into the situation..instead, i retort because i don't believe that a woman is beautiful if she is a fashionita or a stylish, up-to-date person...(look at Victoria Beckham or Kate Moss- i don't see them as beautiful even though they spend millions of dollar for the sake of fashion)

instead, i believe a woman is beautiful when she is smart, intelligent, able to take care of herself...a women does not neccessarily need to be a soft, demure, gentle person to be beautiful...demure, gentle, soft - those are the traits that come in package (call it mutated genes)..because not everyone has that...some people say that we could train ourselves to achieve the desired results but hey..you are lying to yourself if you force yourself to be someone who is NOT YOU!

it is enough to be kind-hearted, honest & possess warm personality...it would attract people to us just like a magnet...having those characteristics are enough to me us become adorable...(for as far as i am concerned)...no need to change yourslef to be OTHER people if you are not happy about it...it will only bring you misery & suffer..

in today's world..it seems that being a beauty is essential in order to get married...as if beauty is the only element that people see in a person to ensure that particular person is the perfect one as your soul mate? hey..i thought marriage is more than that? marriage is a pure bond between a husband and wife where they walk this world together, sharing the life through thick and thin and stay true to themselves and be blessed by Allah..

so..is being beautiful is enough for us to hitch a husband? is that the purpose of finding a beauty to be our husband/wife? so that we will feel proud showing off our spouse to others?

so..those who are fat, chubby, less beautiful are unlucky? (hell yeah..is it true that these people are unlucky?) well..define the word unlucky first...

someone said to me:

"Huda..kawan ****** dulu tembam mcm Huda la...lepas tue, dia jadi kurus..la ni ramai orang berkenan kat dia.."

---> hello...it seems that those who are thin are more desirable than the fat ones? somebody has to enlighten me about this with hard facts if she/he ever gonna win the debate...

yeah..being a 26 year old woman with no string attached to anybody currently makes people ask FAQ ...

"kenapa takde calon lagi? Huda ni memilih sangat kot.."
---> great..now, i am accused of being choosy...but wait a minute...aren't we supposed to be choosy about our future spouse? i believe that we have to be compatible with each other in many aspects (sekufu) before we can consider to take serious steps in our relationship...i seek someone who can click with me..bear with my upside down emotions, share my humor, appreciate me for who i am (even though I am not that good looking),arguing the life in his witty & cunning ways... and able to tolerate my insanity at times...and i'll do the same for his sake...

in another situation...

"Huda..umur macam sekarang ni..kena pandai 'pancing' tau.."

---> gosh..now, finding my soul mate is being compared with my fishing skill..hell yeah..i am never good at fishing (literally speaking)..and i hate fishing..is it that simple? i still can't comprehend those who think like this..

ok..ok..i understand the use of metaphor "pancing" here..it means that you've got to have skills to woo a guy/girl...and sorry, i don't have the skills..as far as I am concerned, I am a conservative Malay girl who would never dare pick up the first line..

why is it that people care so much about when a girl will get married?
with whom she get married with?
why isn't she married even if she is already pass the age?

it is all fate...there are reasons for everything that happened in this world... God knows better..

so..stop asking the FAQs...stop bugging me with the same sentences for millions of times..stop saying that you actually care about me when the truth is that you are being busy body..

i am happy the way i am even if it means i am alone..

i believe that when the time comes...it will be...until then..shut up...

HELICUS - helium circus...

the CLOWN of the day - Hafizul Asyraf

salam...

i have been trying to talk about this special event, SBPISB sports day that had been held on the 25th April 2010...however, the Internet server (again) hinders me from doing this..actually, it is because to upload the pictures take a long time...it is testing my patient for many times *sigh*

every year, I have never missed any Sports Day event...and I LOVE so many things about it...from the strating of events (i.e. Sukantara, the planning of the themes for 'Hiasan Khemah'/'Kawad Kaki' etc..)..these things are meticulous, tiring, yet it is fun...we can see students will be anywhere from the 'Bengkel KH' to Music Room til the dorms...papers are everywhere, students are walking faster than usual (in order to meet the deadline) and the teachers...voila...we'll be running here and there managing other duties...

here in this event as well...we can see students' cerativity...sometimes, the end result will be something so unique and so unthinkable (well..at least for me..)...there will be circus (Helium), the aborigines village (xenon), egypt (kripton) and Hawaian beach (aloha Radon!)...it wow us, seeing these students working so hard to win! a healthy competition indeed..

this year, I was involved with 'Hiasan Khemah' since there was no more Cheerleading...I admit that I left the students to work on their own at first because I was not in school for many days (Volleyball MSSD was on at the same time)...I didn't see the beginning process...at last, a few days before the event started, then I did have time to have a look at what was going on in Helium...

and...watching each and everyone of them (especially the form 5) worked so hard touched my heart...without even a single teacher's supervision, they were totally independent...they never complained, they were being humble...alas, their work were marvellous..even though there were a few flaws and imperfection but to me, that was good enough... (e.g. the clown head was too big & couldn't stand because it was heavy)...it is OK to make mistakes because they are still in the process of learning to become great engineers & architects in the future (insyaallah..)... how could you expect the 17 years old students to build perfect miniatures with little budget and incomplete tools? but..Bravo and well-done to Ayin & Zuhairi for their good work...the Helium circus was great!

personally, I think that these kids are incredible...and I am proud with them...and proud to be a part of Helium members..

the end result for marching competition - Helium got no. 2.

in the middle of the process - everyone was tense, but there was somebody who was able to neutralize the situation by cracking spontaneous jokes (to Hafizuddin - thanks for the quirky act...sempat lagi mencapap di saat2 kritikal..hehe)

I like this situation - the committment & the cooperation among the Helium members are evident when they tried to put up the clown face..

special dedication to: Ahli-ahli rumah Helium yang telah bersusah payah menjalankan tanggungjawab & berusaha menghasilkan yang terbaik..

• (F5 - Afiqah, Amirah, Fatin, Aimi, Farah, Ainaa, Fadilah, Izzaty, Anim, Hazarina, Zuhairi, Ayin, Bob, Zulafifi, Azizudin, Izzat, Ikram, Fitri Aiman, Hafizul, Riyadh,Hanif, Nuruddin dll...maaf kalau teacher tak ingat semua...but I really appreciate your effort & your hard work...)

to the rest of Helium members - remember to always work hard and do your best...and success will be yours...even if you lost, it doesn't mean that it is the end of the world..it doesn't mean that you fail..and NEVER GIVE UP no matter what happens...itu semua hanya ujian utk kita semua..

and to all INTESABER students (the Xenons, Radons, Kriptons)..well done for the great job that you have done...because of all your hard work, the event was beautiful, memorable and Happening! =)

loving and enjoying every second of the moment...=)

life oh life...

errmmm...

what would you do if tongue slipping happens or people misinterpret your meaning?

yeah...i have to admit that reading people's thought and actually listening to their tone has great differences...

reading - we can make our own conclusion...people might misinterpret your intention...you might just want to joke on something but some people interpret it as something serious..or worse, our written thought or comments may hurt other people...

in this situation? what would you do?

alas...sometimes, it is the only way that we could express ourselves...

me, myself..for once...i love to say what i want to say...and writing it down gives so much satisfaction..and that's why this blog exists...

but i have to admit...i also have my own private convensional diary where the only person who has the access to its content is ME..(erm..do i sound selfish & arrogant?...erm...*thinking hard*) this one magical book has all my deepest, darkest or perhaps, dirtiest secrets ever...nay..I'm lying..(am I?)

as an individual with close realtionship with family, everything or anything that my uncles or aunties or cousins or even the slightest thing that granny says will leave quite a big impact to me...or maybe in some cases, it will leave a deep cut in my heart...and time will heal (this is the principle that i strongly believe)..yeah..as time flies, the cut will heal...but the scar is there...

every comments that families made about me is vital to me...it is important to my image, my persona and yes...it is important for me to appear *KIND* or *NICE* in front of my family...even though it means that I am PLASTIC...so that they would not think that I am a *B***** one...(yeah..how hypocrite I am..)

the truth...

I am SO SCARED that my actions or words will hurt any of my aunties or uncles or cousins...I will try to be nice...I try to be warm...because families to me is the must-have elements to be happy in life...and all my uncles and aunties are just like my mother and father...hurting them means that I am hurting my parents...but deep inside me..I AM AFRAID...so, I scrutinsed myself a lot (at times, it feels like I am torturing myself...) it is excruciatingly tired..

so what? just be nice and kind then...avoid hurting their feelings...(probably, that's what people would advise me)...hell yeah..talking is easy...I am for one, a person with bad mouth (Mulut laser - kata orang Melayu)...so..do you see what I mean? I will always hurt people with my comments (verbal or wtitten).. because for me, I would love to be honest..

but sometimes, my comment was meant to be a joke...
but people think of it in different direction..
hell yeah...life is tiring...

what would you do if this kind of thing happens?

*bila nak berubah? Bila nak jadi muslimah yg baik nih?*